It's Spring! And it's freakin cold!

 Hurray...it's Spring!

  But don't get too excited, it's still really cold

At least we have Easter...

dyeing eggs...

 stickers on our faces...

 eggs in our hands

 I kind of hate all the junk that PAAS puts in their eggs now: stickers, plastic shrink wrap, glitter (which, in theory is cool, but it makes a total mess), glue. We had one brown egg left so we dunked it in purple (then in orange, and green and purple again...remember, these are 3 year olds). But I love how it turned out.

This is a my favorite, the absolute anithesis of an Easter egg, but it looks so organic & natural, like a river rock. Boo did it at preschool in black watercolor. Too bad we have to eat it.

Playing with Balloons

One week ago Friday, we lost our 12 year old yellow lab, Dune. I told the kids that Daddy was taking Dune to heaven. I thought that would be a simple explanation, one that my parents had told me once, but it turned out to be a bit more complicated.

"Where's heaven?"

"In the sky, in the clouds"

"How are they gonna get there?"

"Ummm... well, he won't really be up there, it's his spirit really.."

"What's a spirit?"

"He needs a HELICOPTER!!!" my little boy interjected

"When is Dune coming back?"

"Honey, he's not coming back"

"He can play with Bear's balloon!" 

About a month ago, Bear had a helium balloon that we all watched float away, which inspired many discussions. Where was it? Would a bird bring it back? So now Dune gets to play with it. OK, pass the Kleenex!

"Are you a little sad Mommy?

"Yes"

Then my daughter gave me a big hug and said "Do you feel better now?"

I realized later that I never mentioned the "D" word. I skirted around it. Somehow saying "dead" sounded harsh and final, but the kids would only have the meaning that I put on it. I suppose I was avoiding too many questions of explaining what "dead" really means. A full explanation of it seemed too much, but the next day I said that "Dune died". Boo just repeated it..."he died?" And that was it...for now.

So now we have just one, nearly deaf dog padding around the house and a cat that is deathly afraid of toddlers.  I always wondered who would be left out of the merged-family menagerie we started out with (4 dogs-3 cats), and ironically, the animals that were mine (which seems odd to say now) are the ones still here. Dune will be missed tremendously, just like his sister Boston, and his brother Zeus, but life does go on. The kids make sure of it.

A New Decade

Just when you're about to go crazy, they sit up and do something like this.
(Blue food coloring in the tub, not tidy bowl)

I have exactly five minutes to write this post before I absolutely, positively MUST begin dinner. Why am I even posting? I've been reading other blogs and I'm feeling inspired and guilty that I've neglected mine so much.

So far the new year has begun like the last two, with kids coughing and sleepless nights. Not that I'm complaining, we begin this new decade potty trained (!), counting in Spanish and Mom actually completing her to do lists. It's day five and I'm on a roll. Resolutions? I'm considering them, but do they have to start on the first? I've decided they do not. So for now, I'll contemplate Weight Watchers, the pedometer, the art of listening, adding more romance to my life and jazzier clothes to my closet. I'll let you know when I start.

Holiday Report

I'm na hantum prince, I'm Bear!
TRANSLATION: I'm not a handsome prince, I'm Bear!
My kids are into playing pretend. Pirates, Princesses, Monstas. When you are a mother, your princess days are over. Now you are relegated to be a monster or frog, or, if you're lucky, the princess's older sister. (Just had to share this)

***

Christmas was great. There was no holiday let down that it didn't live up to my fantasies. The kids were into Santa. Santa was into coming. Cookies. Presents were opened at a pleasurable pace. Mess was somewhat contained. We played in our pajamas most of the day. I made killer pulled pork tacos. What more could you want?

***

Sunday was hectic preparing for a 16 person party on Monday while having houseguests, but everything turned out fine. Monday's gathering bubbled with hugs, laughter and chatter: kids playing, women cooking, men gathering around iPads. It was a long, satisfying, exhausting day. The next morning, the kids were able to see their cousins ride off into the overcast sky from our local airport. (a.k.a. strip of runway where you walk right up the plane.)

So now the family is gone, and tonight it's our turn. We've got a babysitter. Need I say more?

Happy New Year. 

An Authentic December

The kids had their first visit to Santa yesterday. Bear wanted nothing to do with him after thirty seconds, and Boo, having just pulled my carefully placed bow from her hair, decided she could look up from her candy cane long enough to smile.

In the past fourteen days I've shopped "Black Friday", had three days of birthday celebrations, including a party with eight-3 year olds, multiple cupcakes, a visit from my stepdaughter and her boyfriend, a cheesecake, a five day visit from my best friend, two more birthday cakes and our company's Christmas party. It's been crowded, crazy, filling, fun, decadent, wonderful, yummy, festive...pretty much in that order. And there's no let up, starting next weekend we'll have more family visiting until after Christmas.

By now I know the scenario.

The planning: I'm the warm hearted and excited hostess. Ready to welcome all into our house with freshly made beds, flowers & chocolates.

The reality: The housecleaning, the laundry, overwhelming guilt as your children watch TV so you can accomplish these things. Making beds at 10:00 p.m. the night before, promising that next time I'll have the flowers and chocolates. Hostess facade completely crumbled.

But after many late night conversations over cozy glasses of Bailey's, and enjoying the kids re-bonding with their long distance family members, I settle into the chaos. It is a skill I am perfecting. It's okay if someone gets cranky. Isn't that what families do? We get cranky, make memorable remarks, and share things that an average houseguest doesn't...our realness. So here's to authentic holiday experiences.

At it Again...

---Boo just called down from her room. (She usually has a litany of requests after I put her to bed: potty, cold feet, a blanket fix.) Now it's, "Mommy, I have a booger". I really, really, really don't want to go up there. I can't believe I just told her to "wipe it on the carpet". Hmmm, probably not the best response....I think I'm getting desperate. OK, ok, I'm going up to get her a Kleenex!

--Back again, both kid and carpet are clean. Now, where was I?

The craft bug is biting me again. Actually, this is a project that I've been working on for a year now, but it was put on the back burner while I played PTA mom. Now that this volunteer project from hell is almost over (notice the word "almost"), I can get back to my own stuff and try to get something done by Christmas.

I'm creating a felt name book for each of the kids, each page will have a letter and a picture from their name.

No letters, yet, but here's sneak peek...I'll post better pictures once it's finished.

Bikes

I love sharing these photos of the kids with their best friend, K. The kids love their bikes, we've even started riding at the local BMX track. And when I say 'we', I mean the whole family! M says, "It's surreal that I'm riding bikes with three* year olds!". It's true, they ride so fast and go down these big hills that you forget their age.

(Technically, they're actually still two until early December, so it's even more amazing.)

Virtual Fridge

Boo is always coming home with artwork. Not that Bear doesn't paint, but every day, Boo comes home with 2 - 3 paintings she has done at her school. She seems to have an eye for composition and color. Am I a little biased? Nah. I thought I would kick off our first "Virtual Fridge" with one of her recent projects (one of my faves).

P's & Eeews

Contrary to my last post, we are enjoying a bit of Indian Summer. I'm savoring these last few sunny, long shadowed afternoons--riding bikes, climbing, swinging, peeing...yes, peeing. It happens everywhere these days. Bear just finished his first week being diaper free and he's doing great! He always tells me when he has to go: right after I strap him into his car seat, or in the shopping cart, or as we enter the playground. Never before an activity, always during.

There’s a multitude of things I had no clue about before children, poop and pee are two of them. Especially how much more of it there is now that they're out of diapers. When I excitedly bought the sweet little potty chair at Target, all I heard was the siren song of "potty trained". However, between diapers and potty trained there's a lot of pee: on carpet, in the pants, not to mention the dumping, splashing and cleaning of that sweet little potty chair; and when your kids decide to help by carrying it to the toilet (more splashing, more rinsing, more carpet cleaning). Then there's the poop: in the pants, on the hands, on the floor (when it falls out of the underpants they've removed cause they're ‘poopy’). I can only be grateful they've never painted the walls with it.

My "aha" moment was when Boo yelled, "Mama! Poop on the table!" and I realized that I wasn't even phased to see little brown nuggets on the coffee table. (Future houseguests: I do sanitize things, usually before you arrive.)

In spite of my griping, I’m so happy that we’re moving out diapers and into our next phase. These kids move forward so quickly, I know all of this poop & pee will soon become a distant memory. But I may never want any yellow or brown in our home décor again.

Transition to Normal

8:59 p.m. Six minutes since I left my kids room and Bear is still crying. Ugh. I shouldn't even be posting right now. I really need to be ordering electricity for our booth at an upcoming trade show next week. But here I am.

9:08 p.m. Went up, soothed him, but now he's at it again.

We've had three weeks of houseguests, beloved houseguests, but nonetheless we're feeling the transition back to our regular routine. We've all gotten used to staying up & sleeping a bit later, but now it's back to work. Our ten year old granddaughter came up, so I was able to hear the newest Black Eyed Peas cd (20 times), see the third Twilight movie, Eclipse at the drive in, hear all about Jacob (lovesick werewolf in aforementioned vampire movie) and see way too much of the Disney channel (the scariest of all). M & I also enjoyed the wonderful treat of spending four days together alone at the ocean, thanks to my sister, who watched the kids for us. It's amazing how much your kids change just after four days. Bear is talking in sentences, and can add a forlorn "Mommmmmmyyyyyy" to his cries, like right now. Boo has increased her already large vocab by giving answers like "of course" and "not quite yet, Mommy".

9:30 p.m. OK, I went up again, calmed him down by standing at the door for a few minutes. I hate hearing him cry.

Summer is winding down so quickly, I suppose it's so much more bittersweet since the real summer heat is just starting to kick in. If we're lucky it will last for a few days. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm rather excited for Fall. The kids will attend a brand new Montessori school (started by our wonderful caregiver)and we'll have a whole new schedule. If only the summer weather would stay for a bit longer, and my son would stop crying.

9:39 p.m. It's finally quiet. Whew.

Some Days, You Just Need a Tutu

Hi!

A few days ago, M & I were at the playground with the kids, when Bear walked up to a big boy of five and said his usual "Hi". Bear's not shy at all, he loves to walk up to groups of kids, no matter what age and greet them, but this boy was having none of it.

"DON'T say hi to me!!", he yelled in Bear's face.

M & I glanced at each other but purposedly kept quiet, waiting to see what Bear would do. Bear grew quiet, lowered his head towards the ground and his bottom lip grew larger & larger. Suddenly I was aware of how much we can't protect them, how much they'll have to learn on their own, when he let out a shriek and smile. About twenty feet away, an even bigger boy of ten, did a stunt jump off the swing, much to Bear's delight. We went on to have a great play session, the earlier episode totally forgotten. A great lesson on being in the moment and not to dwell on things.

Therapy of a Great Haircut

Last night as I was serving dinner, literally placing plates on the table, our yellow lab squatted & let loose (really loose I might add!) on the carpet right in front of me. I did what any busy mother would do, picked up the grossest part, laid a towel over it and ate dinner. Boo then spilled her milk, and Bear decided to dump his water (see why I waited?). M. was working late, so I was on my own...behind in the dishes, behind in their bath (which we skipped) and adding carpet cleaning to my nightly tasks.

I wasn't phased in the least. It's amazing what a good hair day can do.

Birthday Weekend

So...I had another one of those pesky birthdays this weekend, and I'm happy (well, working on it anyway) to say that I'm now 45! I don't know how it happened, but here I am. We had a wonderful family weekend, it always helps when the town has a big festival in your honor. Well, maybe it's in honor of Rhododendrons or something, but let me have my fantasy.

What more could you ask for? A carnival with rides...



..then a parade.





The next morning the kids made me waffles and Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting.


Then they were official "Hi-Fiver's" at the 12K Run on Sunday (which goes right by our house).


We even had a babysitter for an evening so Mommy & Daddy could have a date! After all that, we were zonked.


I guess 45 ain't too shabby after all.

I'm Learning Things Every Day...

You never know where you'll end up reading a story.

How quickly things can go south.

How patient our dogs really are.


Taking a family portrait is useless.

I should probably get a better camera.

Sometimes I make cool things.

Take advantage of the perfect pose.

The Lion King can go a long way.



And most importantly, when you think you won't need diapers...you will.

Supernanny, "Help!"

I'm getting ready to leave for California tomorrow so while the kids nap, I should be working on my ever-growing to do list instead of doing a blog post. But this will be quick.

Last Thursday was one of those days that ended with the feeling that I'm really botching things as a parent. Nap time was a fiasco, it took nearly two hours for the kids to go down! By that time, it's like, what's the point? For a few months now, the kids have gotten used to me sitting in the recliner while they go to sleep, and I've been working to end that. Nighttime has been working pretty well, but the nap is another story. So I did my nighttime routine of sitting in the chair for 5 minutes, then leaving. Immediately, Bear (who was almost asleep) rose up "mommy night night, mommy night night!"

"No, Mommy has to go downstairs now, good night" was my calm reply.

He followed me out of the room, crying and I guiltily shut the gate on him (we have a gate in the hall for stair protection). At night he has done this for just a couple minutes then goes back to bed, but not this time. And so it continued, one or the other getting up, crying.

I tried the Supernanny thing of no talking and calmly putting them back in bed (The show never talks about how your back feels after you do that 100 times!) Then I would finally get exasperated and go into the other room. But then Bear started sitting on Boo, and pushing her into the gate...essentially doing anything to get me back in there.

When you first have your baby you think "oh, I know I'll get angry sometimes, but I'll just breathe deep (or whatever)". You can't imagine that this sweet little thing would ever do anything to make you angry...or to what depths. I hate to admit this, but I'm being honest here: when I saw Bear ramming his sister against the gate, I felt so angry that I just wanted to swat him. I took everything I had not to. But I wasn't very calm. "NO! We don't do that! You get back in that bed right now!" Then I put him into bed, not very calmly.

I was tired, frustrated, exasperated and felt I was being played like a fiddle by these two kids. In hindsight, I put them down too late to begin with, so they were overtired, and I probably should have just given up on the nap, but then I imagined the late afternoon meltdowns. But I also felt that I should not give in. Oh, it's so hard to know what is the right thing to do!


They did finally fall asleep that day and didn't wake up until almost 5:00, which threw our schedule way off. But we went to the playground (like I had promised earlier) and met Daddy. Then a dinner in the mini van of Sushi for the grownups & Chicken Nuggets for the kids, and home for popcorn & Thomas the Train. Mommy needed the kind of soothing that only eating a bowl of popcorn (my vice) and sitting on the couch watching TV can give...even if it is Thomas.

Twin Baby Shower Gift Idea #1

The other day I happened to glance at the stack of books in my nightstand. These two titles were together and it struck me...maybe they should market these as a package!

Hello Again

Is it totally horrible to do a quickie post while my kids watch Dora? Just to say I'm still alive? Sorry if I dropped out for awhile. The day of that last post I felt the familiar scratchy throat (again), and how many weeks later(?), I still have the cough. To top it off, this week I got a wicked stomach flu that I was hoping was food poisoning so my kids wouldn't get it, but Bear just starting throwing up this afternoon and is white as a sheet. (Hence on the couch with Dora). Of course, it's a beautiful day and I had planned for us to go to the park, but that was before their nap, before the soiled sheets, soiled clothes... now in the dryer.

Oh and did I mention my parents are on their way over for the weekend?

P.S. Thanks for all the support on that last post! Hopefully, I'm back for awhile.

You Could Be Reading Better Blogs

Every time I recount the days event's to M. he always says, "that's a great blog entry!". As he laughs and I get much needed perspective, I realize that , yes, they would be great blog entries, but who has the time?

Great potential blog posts constantly run through my head when I have time to think--in the shower, drying my hair, or during the last few moments before sleep. But then I wake up or get to work and--"poof!" they're gone.

So, dear friends, you could be reading a much better blog than this one (and probably are) ...but I appreciate your patience in sticking with me. I can't promise more frequent entries, but I'll do my best to share with you when I can. I have always thought the hardest period of twin parenthood was the relentless, sleep deprived first six months. Ha! What did I know?! I get (a little) more sleep now, but this period of talking, independent two year olds, who want different things at the same time and can throw a tantrum better than Jon McEnroe, may take first place.

Getting Back to Normal

Tonight the toys on the floor gave me a warm fuzzy. Evidence of healthy kids at play.

We've had two weeks of what my husband termed "hell". I don't know if I would go that far, but we've had some hellish moments. I think the top one was when I skillfully caught Bear's barf in my hands, M. and I were so relieved, then as we walked away to clean up, Boo threw up all over the floor. I actually forgot that it happened that way in my last post.

Bear continued to get sicker since my last post and ended up in the hospital on Friday the 29th with RSV. His blood oxygen levels were low, and he was dehydrated. Of course, they had to run many tests on the poor guy, multiple culture swabs up his nose (while I had to hold him wrapped up in a sheet.) Blood tests: the first time it was the finger prick, then they graduated to the needle in the arm. You haven't lived until you've had to lay on your screaming child and whisper soothing words in his ear while a man in a mask slaps a turniquet around his arm and pokes around for a vein. (Our local hospital isn't that child friendly.) As sick as Bear was, he had alot of fight in him. Luckily we were able to return home the next day, with oxygen & nebulizer treatments in tow.

Bear was better within days, and like clockwork, it was Boo's turn. She never had the breathing issues that Bear had, but she had coughing fits that would nearly always end in her throwing up.

It's so hard to convey the range of emotions that a parent can feel in a few easy-to-read blog paragraphs. Concern for your sick child, frustrated and tired getting up again in the night, guilty that you felt frustrated, pissed off that the sheets & the child you just changed are now covered in vomit, peace as you realize this is what you do. Yesterday, they both were crying and wanting to be held, but are getting so heavy now that all I could do was sit on the floor, hold them and give in to the tears myself. So much neediness-- it can be so rewarding, and sometimes so draining. But then you hold them, kiss their soft cheeks, smell their morning breath, talk to them, listen to them and whatever "hell" you've been through fades away. Isn't that what nostalgia is made of?